1. Don't backstab other people. You might be saying, I don't do that, but yes you do if you speak ill of someone behind their back. Most of us do it at some time in our life but it is a toxic habit that should be avoided like the plague. You know the old saying: "What goes around comes around." If you gossip about others with someone...you can best believe that same someone will be gossiping about you before the day is done.
2. Don't allow others to talk to you despairingly about other people behind their backs. If someone is trying to perk up your "gossip ears", turn them off. Let them know that you aren't into talking about other people because you have enough in your own life to deal with. Usually, this will stop them from going any further...and it will embarrass them into hushing up and checking themselves!
3. When choosing your friends, choose wisely. Go back to my "dartboard" analogy and see where people actually fit in your life. You don't want to confide in someone that is known to go tell the whole world about everyone else's business. If you do, you will soon be hearing from everyone else about what they heard about you. That's the way it works.
4. If you hear that someone whose friendship you value has been disloyal to you, go to your friend and ask them. First of all, don't assume that something you heard is a fact. Mean-spirited people lie; and Good-meaning people often distort the facts. If this is a valued friend of yours, you will want to get it straightened out as soon as possible so you don't bring what might be unnecessary drama to your own life. Remember that before you confront the person, cool down. You want to convey your dismay over what you heard...but you don't want to damage the friendship if what you heard turns out to be wrong.
5. Sometimes no matter what you do to avoid it, drama will come into your life. But before you make it a part of your life; make sure it is important enough to be upset over. Remember, you only need to be emotionally invested in a situation that you want a continuing emotional investment in.
In order to have a good friend, you must be a good friend. Once you know how to do that, you will go a long way in removing all drama from your life. Remember, “the drama of life begins with a wail and ends with a sigh.”
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I just wanted to let you know that you are very inspirational. Your tweets and your blog are both refreshing reads! Have a wonderful Weekend! xo~
ReplyDeleteGreetings to you Star. Thank you for the invitation to comment on your day's offering. I have been an admirer of yours for quite some time now__ ever since your days on "The View". I have also been following your tweets for a little while and have been wanting to comment to your posts but have refrained due to the public nature of these online forums.
ReplyDeleteHowever, at your request, I will respond accordingly. Star, I see you as a work in progress, a woman with a destiny, striving to shed the old and embrace the new. When I read some of your posts my spirit literally feels the struggle and a residue of pain from a battle endured. I watched your interview on the Oprah Winfrey show and in ALLLLLLL the years that I have tuned in to "Oprah", that interview was the single most moving__ to me. You were transparent, self-accepting and authentic. I saw glimpses of the Star"let" who was created to be a shining example to women who've been miscast, mislabeled and misunderstood.
When I read your tweets, I sense, however, a soul reacting to circumstances rather than transcending the fray.
Today's message to womenfolk about friendship is formulaically spot on. It is also telling in the choice of vocabulary used by way of introduction. The word "drama" conjures up the very emotions that we would like to avoid. While to deny its existence would be foolish and naive, to give it utterance is to give it life.
Rather, it would be wise to focus on the positive expression of friendship with an invitational "Friends Bring Harmony to Their Relationships. . .", for example. For whatever we behold, expands. This is the perfect opportunity to behold "whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are pure . . . (and) "think on these things."
All the best to you Star. You are on your way to becoming the best you possible. Today is the first day of the BEST of your life.
Much much love from a sister who is also a WIP, walking along the path to destiny, erasing one pain at a time.
__Jennifer L.
Kudos to you Star! I love your Five Rules of Friendship; I believe in them and do my best to abide by them, as well -- especially #4. I wish more people adhered to this rule; sooooo much drama could be eliminated from our lives and friendships if people went straight to the source instead of making assumptions, jumping to wrong conclusions, or waiting to see how a situation plays out. Time is valuable; act immediately. SMILE!
ReplyDeleteMy personal motto is this: (Simple math) Good Friends add to and multiply the goodness in your life. Toxic people subtract and divide. The key is being centered enough to know the difference and strong enough to let go of those all that is toxic. I totally Feel you on this... Robbie Brown, Atlanta
ReplyDeleteI think gossip is something that involuntarily moves people. I read somewhere that gossip or finding out new news actually causes the adrenaline to rush...Since the body naturally welcomes gossip, I think the ideal solution would be just to remove yourself from sources of gossip and negativity. Recently, I did something; I did my best to remain absolutely silent for a whole 24-hour period...And afterwards, I was able to pinpoint the main sources of negativity and make the appropriate changes...With the help of hurtful past experieces, I've totally redefined MY definition of what a true friend is. And if a person is unable to meet those requirements, we just can't roll! After a bad fallout, I realized that I have too much spiritual and natural work to do to be sitting around nursing wounds inflicted on me by others. I've learned how to balance it all, and in turn, keep my sanity along with the few friends that I felt were genuine, who love me unconditionally, and that I know will always be there! Just my two cents.... :)
ReplyDeleteFriends. Friends. "A friend sticketh closer than a....."
ReplyDeleteFriends are an outward show of who we are. That's why they can pick out the best presents for us, tell us when a cheating spouse or boyfriend needs to be dumped, or opens the blinds to allow the light to burst in when we're down in the dumps. Friends keep pointing to life and never drag us away from it.
They eat Vienna Sausage & crackers with you when that's all you have...and like it, and they'll even put another loaf of bread in the basket because they know you need it.
Friends strengthen and never tear apart. Simply put, friends love for the sake of loving.
Friends. If you have more than two, you're blessed.
This is an excellent post and quite timely for me! I am in the process of weeding out a toxic friend who talks about others too much. I counter act this by not commenting or saying something good about the person that she is speaking about. I have also cut down our phone time and face time. She is getting the message slowly but surely. We have been friends for over ten years, but I am growing in a different direction. As I seek clarity, truth, and a deeper relationship with Christ in my life, there is less room for nonsense.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words of wisdom Starr.
Thanks for these tips. This reminder that friends don't bring drama is very helpful to me especially at a time when I'm reevaluating my friendships. I want to minimize drama as much as possible which may mean letting go.
ReplyDeleteThanks for also inspiring me to be a better friend and not stoop down to some of those negative behaviors.
Thanks for these five tips. I have begun to element these habits as well as those individuals that create them. What I find most difficult is making sure that once I element toxic behaviors/individuals, I am not vulnerable to allow them back into your life. Keep Inspiring!
ReplyDeleteI love "Friend's Don't Bring Drama" Well said.. I think this is so important, and if you have dealt with drama in friendships, so much, you become immune to it.. However, it's not a healthy choice.. Can you say? Spring cleaning. I love to keep my dirt fertilized, and my garden clean so that it may grow of positivity and love..
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this information
Shametra