SATISFIED SATURDAY: How Do You Know it is Love?

Sometimes, we develop a particular fondness for the person we’re dating. We just can’t stop thinking about him/her, even after many, many hours savoring his/her company. We are left in a quandary about our feelings, and certain queasiness pervades our days. Then we ask ourselves the question: have we fallen in love with that person?

Love is indeed a wonderful thing. But it is something that we should be certain about, least we spend many sleepless nights in deep thoughts and confusion. Sadly, determining the veracity of love is not always easy. Sometimes, a deep infatuation is equated with the same. 

So how do we know that it’s love… real love that is? What could we be sure that the other person is not only the object of our thoughts, but the object of our hearts as well? Here are some signs that would help us say that what we’re feeling is indeed love.

1. When, at the beginning of the day, you are already filled with thoughts of the other person: what he/she is doing, how he/she looks, what you could do to make him/her smile today… when something good or nice happens to you, you always think of how you must share this with him/her, be it a funny story or a moment of your triumph. You always wish that he/she would be right there with you, but even if he/she isn’t, it’s okay because you know that soon you will be together and you anticipate that. No moment, no matter how dull it seems like simply watching TV together, is ever a wasted moment. Every minute counts when you’re with that person.

2. You become selfless. And you start thinking more about what would be good for the other person, than what would be good for you. Your ultimate happiness is to be able to make that other person happy, whether it is with you or with another person. You take care of him/her and you keep looking out for him/her. Be reminded however that making the other person happy does not include inflicting or causing harm to yourself or being untrue to yourself. You don’t ask that person to do sacrifices for you either, such as doing stuff you asked them to do just to prove their love to you. 

3. You start to think of how it would be to be with this person forever… and you relish that dream or feeling. The thought of spending the rest of your lives together is not seen as being stuck with another person, but is considered to be a very wonderful idea. 

4. Even if there are other people who are more beautiful or attractive, you still choose to be with this person. This means your commitment to this person is absolute. You have fully and undeniably decided to be with only him/her no matter what. It is not only love, but also devotion.

5. There is passion and fireworks, even after the infatuation period of six months. If you have been together for such a long time now, but aren’t bored out of your minds yet and can still feel the fire burning – simply because you keep it burning (and this requires dedication and effort), is a clear indication that love is still shared between two people. 

6. There is a desire to understand each other, even at the biggest of arguments. You continue to communicate openly and do not harshly judge each other. You accept each other’s faults and shortcomings. For example, no matter how fat she gets and no matter how much he drools when he sleeps, you still stay and love the person. Also, you stay true and honest to that person.

7. There is a great deal of respect, admiration and trust for this person. And she/he has earned it well.

8. When you argue or disagree, you don't intentionally push each other's "buttons", you don't fight "dirty" or "hit below the belt" because your desire is to find a SOLUTION rather than exacerbate a problem.

9. Do you want what's best for this person, or do you want what this person can do to help you? For example, if your mate has the chance to get a wonderful job in another city, are you willing to pull up stakes and move, or will you expect the job opportunity to get tossed aside for you? Love means putting the other person's needs ahead of your own, even when that involves sacrifice. While blind agreement to any difference of opinion is unrealistic and unreasonable, a thoughtful discussion of what is better for each of you individually as well as both of you as a couple needs to take place.

10. Are you friends? Companionship lasts much longer than ardor, generally speaking. People in their 70's, 80's, and 90's may lose some of their physical spontaneity, but they maintain a quest for fun and a shared life until the end. Do you laugh together? Enjoy similar activities? Share each other with friends and family? Or do you expect your perfect mate to spend all free time with you exclusively?

Loving another person involves self-sacrifice and compromise. If you are attracted to someone for whom you are unwilling to be patient and to share all parts of your life, you may have a lot of work to do or disappointment to deal with after the wedding.  Take time now to assess your relationship with these and other factors to see if you can make a life that could last fifty years or more with the person of your dreams. Because when you wake up, your mate will still be there.