After watching Rihanna discuss Chris Brown on ABC for the last two days I felt compelled to comment because the issue of domestic violence is important and deserves discussion. Most times when a major issue is in the news, I take to my laptop and the words just flow freely and quickly and it is like a bomb explodes in me and everything inside of me must come out.
I must confess that this time it was different. I honestly found myself trying to walk a "fine line" around the issue; so as to see "both sides." Huh? What the hell was I thinking searching for words that would comfort that which is uncomfortable, explain the unexplainable and defend the indefensible. I'm still figuring out why...even as I type...
This should be easy for me...the ex-prosecutor. For these are the facts:
- Battering on women is the most under reported crime in America.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States; more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
- Three to four million women in the United States are beaten in their homes each year by their husbands, ex-husbands, or male lovers.
- One woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds in the United States.
- About 1 out of 4 women are likely to be abused by a partner in her lifetime.
- Approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.
- Police report that between 40% and 60% of the calls they receive, especially on the night shift, are domestic violence disputes.
- Battering occurs among people of all races, ages, socio-economic classes, religious affiliations, occupations, and educational backgrounds.
- Domestic violence is not only physical and sexual violence but also psychological.
- A battering incident is rarely an isolated event.
- Battering tends to increase and become more violent over time.
- Many batterers learned violent behavior growing up in an abusive family.
Then it hit me...even knowing what I know to be fact on the issue of Domestic Violence, I was trying to find a way to justify not put Chris Brown "on blast" for his behavior. I was looking for an excuse for him "going off" in such a violent way. I was searching for a way to justify his behavior because of his youth, immaturity, background, fame and temper or her youth, immaturity, background, fame and temper. I was also annoyed that this young couple had become the poster children for domestic violence when it happens every day to many more people who are not famous and who don't get the attention. I was pissed that other people seem to get a "pass" for bad behavior. I was disheartened that "sisters" were so critical of Rihanna and questioned her motives. I was having trouble formulating my comments; because I was focused on the big picture of this issue.
And then my nephew Tyson flashed in my head.
About two years ago, Chris Brown was on tour and my then seven-year-old nephew Tyson desperately wanted to see him in concert. When I tell you this kid loved him some Chris Brown...I don't exaggerate. He danced like him, sang all his songs, had him on his IPOD...the whole nine yards. Tyson doesn't ask me for a lot...so when "Auntie Star" gets a specific request...I jump through hoops to get it done. So I pulled some strings and got some VIP passes for Tyson and the little girl from his class he adored "Cierra" (who he described as having eyes like "snowflakes"...yeah, I know...the kid is deep) and off they went (chaperoned by my sister and brother-in-law) for a night on the town in Richmond Virginia. They had a great time and Chris didn't disappoint. Tyson clearly because a junior stud in the eyes of Cierra...and "Auntie Star" was again "Fairy Godmother."
Fast forward about a year later to February 2009 Tyson now eight years old and all over the news is Chris Brown. This time not for a cool new concert, but for beating up his then girlfriend Rihanna. Now, as much Tyson loved Chris Brown the performer, he could take Rihanna or leave her; but this wasn't about Chris' music today. My Dad said Tyson purposefully sat with him and watched the news, Entertainment Tonight, etc. about the "incident." He saw Rihanna's badly bruised face, he heard the 911 tape and then he very deliberately asked for a trash bag. Eight year old Tyson got up from the sofa, gathered every CD, tee shirt and poster of Chris Brown he had and put it in the bag and gave it to his grandfather. He said "here, I don't want it anymore." My Dad (I adore this man so much...) then told Tyson he might want to wait to hear all sides of the story before jumping to conclusions. And according to my father, Tyson asked one question: "Did he hit her?" Dad said, "it looks that way." Tyson then brought it all home with one phrase: "Pop Pop, boys don't hit girls."
Tyson didn't need a law degree, facts and figures, a 20/20 interview or a Larry King confession. He knew a universal truth that he learned at an early age that gave him all the information he needed. "Boys don't hit girls." Period.
There is no question that Rihanna was brutally beaten by Chris Brown. I'm not sure if she initiated, instigated, ignited or provoked the situation that lead to the altercation...and I really don't care. Bottom line is Chris Brown repeatedly hit Rihanna in the face so hard that it left her bloodied, bruised and beaten...and that is unacceptable on any level. Any man who would do so deserves to be prosecuted and punished and any woman who is the victim of it needs to run...not walk as fast as she can away from the situation because that relationship is toxic and dangerous.
There, I said it. Thank you Tyson...
I wish no ill will towards Chris Brown, I'm proud that he took responsibility for his actions and took his punishment like a man. I hope he gets the help he needs to control his anger, deal with the history of violence in his family and grows into the man he knows he can be. Chris Brown deserves the chance to change, to grow and to prove himself to be worth of the adulation of his fans. Those are my hopes for Chris...but my prayers are with Rihanna that she finds the strength and the courage to love herself enough not to ever accept that a volatile and violent relationship is love.
Love is kind, love is passionate, love is pleasurable...there is no hitting in love.
Posts
I am in love with Tyson! ;-)
ReplyDeleteStar I like what you wrote, I like how you backed up your positions. I however, don't feel like Rihanna gets to go through this media storm unquestioned. I love Diane but she went through the entire interview with sympathy and a sense of sadness. I wanted a little bit more journalism. Direct questions with direct answers. Because Chris decided to take the high road after the fact and not give the details of that night, Rihanna could just summarize and say I was bruised, I was swollen. I watched Baby Boy last night and Taraji played that role so good ... the part where she hit Tyrese, belittled antagonized him by screaming repeatedly in his face, blocking the door and then hitting him all the while never expecting him to hit her back is crazy to me. Men are human. Yes men are stronger, yes they shouldn't hit women but women know men are stronger, they know what could happen yet they still persist, they still act like "I'm gone kick his a** when he gets home and they know its at the mans mercy what they get away with...I'm just saying Rihanna played a part in the whole issue and she didn't accept her role at all. You can't help women not accepting your own role in the violence.
ReplyDeleteGreat way to bring it to a point and wash away this celebrity free pass that Chris Brown is trying to get with his apologies. I'm not sure but...did he say that He didn't remember! Well, if so, that's even scarier. As you can see, I didn't watch his apologie...I did what little Tyson did too, once I knew she was hit, I didn't need to hear anymore.
ReplyDeleteTyson not only seems like he's going to be a romantic heartbreaker, he's also once again proven that most adults are not smarter than a fifth grader! Just think how empowered we would be if we all could conduct ourselves just as Tyson did. Coodles, to little Tyson from karol at www.Plusologie.com
True in no way what Chris Brown did right. My question, Should we forgive him for what he has done or do I have a right to judge? I always believe that God presents these situations in our lives for a reason. He MUST learn! That is a fact I can not deny. But I loved his music before and as a music lover's point of view, I am grown and don't need a mentor. And if he makes good music for me to dance to I will support him. But only as a musician. I teach my 3 kids (2 girls, 1 son) that mentors are made from those who have helped u grow. While people may learn from both Chris and Rhianna's mistakes, our lives are governed by the choices we make in our own lives. And being a child of a man that abused her in adulthood, I made to choice to change my life and live differently. I DECIDE MY SUCCESS FOR MY LIFE! End of story. I want my kids to be able to do the same.
ReplyDeleteOut of the mouths of babes. Your nephew sounds like an amazing young person, who is obviously being raised very well. It's amazing how children can see things so clearly.
ReplyDeleteStar, I might not always agree with you, but this blog was right on. It doesn't matter the how, the why it happened, the bottom line is he hit her and hurt her. This was very well written and thought out, I printed this out for my granddaughter, thanks for saying what I couldn't find the words to.
ReplyDeleteVery well written Star. Amazing that sometimes you can see a situation clearly, when looking at it through the eyes of a child. Tyson simplified it quick and easy.
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head with this one comment(that she finds the strength and the courage to love herself enough not to ever accept that a volatile and violent relationship is love.)
ReplyDeleteThat comment alone is one that every woman should read and understand. You can't love another human being first, unless you love yourself first.
And if a woman or man has never seen what real love looks like, they don't know what it is. The only thing they can do is to choose to love unconditionally and treat an individual how they would want to be treated.
What to do if you are a wife and and a stay at home mother who over the past 10 years has been emotionally and mentally and at one point physcially abused? The wife doesn't do anything to initiate any of it. The wife has been staying in the relationship because of the kids but for the past year has been diagnosed with depression. The wife has done every thing in her power to make every thing work. The wife is embrassed to let her family know what is going on because when she was physcially abused, took the husband back. The wife is back in school part-time and is looking for a full-time so she could leave the toxic situation.
ReplyDeleteI could feel with Rihanna when she says that she went back to Chris 9 times. You think the person will change because you think they really love you, but in the end it takes something tragic to realize that it just is not the case. Glad she got out of the situation early instead of waiting 10+ years and realize that she wasted her young years being with an abuser.
Your post about domestic violence reminds me of a saying I formed from many other sayings I've heard over the years; a saying by which I try to live my everyday life: It's not always easy, but it's usually simple. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and Tyson with us.
ReplyDeleteHi Star,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your blog (big fan!). I agree with most of what you said. However, don't feel that Chris Brown has taken full responsibility for his actions, as Rihanna stated last night her her 20/20 interview. That's one of the main problems here. He is so focused on getting things back t the way they were (understandably) but not fully considering the extent of his previous actions. Yes, he may be remorseful, but I m not sure whether the impact of hs actions have really sank into his head. It's unfortunate but he serikously needs to grow up and take a moment. As for Rihanna, I wish her all the best and actually have regain some of the respect I had prevously lost for er after watching last night's interview. She came across as someone who humiliated and ashamed at what happened who is now ready to take a stand against violence and speak up for other women in her position.
I hear what you are saying & I agree he was totally wrong. But I grew up with a mother who would hit the men she was with. I saw her agression, I saw them take the hits, and walk away. But I then saw her get hit back. I did not blame him b/c there is only so much a person can take. Yes men should not hit women BUT WOMEN should NOT HIT MEN. I have seen this happen to many times women using objects to hit men & not in self defense. My problem with the message boys/men don't hit women is the girls/women can take it as it is fine for them to hit men. To me there is no place in a realationship for violence PERIOD.
ReplyDeleteYou are totally right Love is kind, love is passionate, love is pleasurable...there is no hitting in love.
LisaE31@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteStar, I always enjoy your candor and wit, as well as your intelligence and expertise. This time, I just thought perhaps I can add another layer to what you blogged above (and I alluded to it on Twitter also). I think it may be slightly unrealistic to believe that we all got the upbringing that would cause us to know and love ourselves enough to walk away from the abusers at the first sign of trouble. I'm not saying it's not what we SHOULD do, I'm saying it's not likely what we WILL do.
Now, Rihanna is drop dead gorgeous, in my opinion, and still has some beauty to grow into, as we all get better with time. So, I could not imagine that she (and I did not watch the entire interview, I apologize if I'm speaking out of turn about something she addressed) has self-esteem issues that caused her to stay around. But hey, maybe she does. People often tell me that I look good and at 37, I'm JUST getting around to thinking that they may be right.
Why? Unfortunately, my mother (and she is still alive, but not in a place to deal with this so we've never discussed it) had some issues that got passed along in a negative way. I'll put it like that. Long before any boy or man could say something to me to break my self-esteem, she had nearly disintegrated it. I won't go into a long story, but I said that to say that I turned into a people-pleasing and man-chasing young woman. By the grace of God, I was not promiscuous, but you may not have known it just by looking at me. I lived for compliments and I lived for attention -- anything to combat the rejection I felt at home. And that carried on into my adult life; even through salvation and church growth, I could not seem to get that part of my life together - believing in my value & self-worth.
So, I'll end by saying that I understand the thought that a) I can love him enough to see him through this issue & he'll reward me by loving me forever; or b) I'll never get another "love" like this, so I'm going to have to "take" some things to get it to the place where we're on the same page. I understand that; I lived that earlier on in life and I'm still fighting some of the residue. (Thankfully I was never beaten with a fist, but the verbal and emotional abuse had me broken down and in fear.) However, it started because of what I was 'taught' to believe about myself -- at home. Just ask 'Precious.' (So far, I don't think I'll be going to see that movie. Not ready...)
Thanks for listening to my opinion.
Love your life & how you live it on YOUR terms! Keep it up because some of us who are watching are striving to do the same.
Best,
Lisa
Star is on point here. For all the people wanting to further bring Rihanna down, I pray for you. If she was so evil and battering him. He should have dumped her long before he decided to beat her up. He obviously had other women he was seeing. He could have gone to be with them. Your attempts to blame Rihanna for CHRIS' behavior are really sad. It is why the girls in our community think they are worth little more than a child support check and a backhand slap. Please do better ladies. Rise up and love yourself. God wants better for His children.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your tendency to see both sides of this issue, and I agree with you, CB deserves his shot at learning and recovering from this. The thing is, he was in control on that night last February and made some decisions that I'm confident he regrets. Now 9 months later, he cannot control how, when and what resources Rihanna decides to use to aid in her own RECOVERY. We must remember how very young they both are, how difficult and hurtful this was and allow them both to GROW, and if necessary, share how this incident has aided in that growth.
ReplyDeleteI respect the position she took last night and appreciated her candor. They both will learn from this. Why? Because we ALWAYS remember pain...and the source of it, on that, men and women are consistent.
Tyson and Star, Thank you. No matter what the circumstances, men should never hit women. It pains me to hear, 'BUT, if a woman hits a man a man can only take so much.' I agree, women should not hit or antagonize men BUT if she does, the man needs to walk away, restrain her or call the police. MEN NEVER have a valid excuse to HIT WOMEN. I am befuddled when hearing people proclaim, 'Rhianna hit and abused Chris, therefore, his subsequent attack was somewhat warranted.' Men are obvisouly stronger, hence, the battle would be akin to a 30 year old attacking a 10 year old...nonsensical. I don't care whether Rhianna attacked Chris first, clearly, the only one left battered and bruised was Rhianna. Even the sport of boxing has sense enough not to pair light weights with heavy weights in matches. Women need to stop blaming women when abused by men. If Rhianna hit or bit Chris, he should have restrained her and called the police. Men need to be more cognizant of their power and learn the act of CONTROL.
ReplyDeleteWhy do many seem so forgiving of Chris Brown yet angry at Rhianna...what harm has she done? He gave his side of the story, is it not fair for her to share hers? Some seem to believe that Chris Brown is reformed, afterall, his team did release those 'paparazzi' photos of him putting in his time by picking up trash on the side of the road...right before releasing a new song. Ironic how we have yet to see additional photos of a shirtless Chris Brown performing community service...now that the song and video have been released. Perhaps when he is ready to release his next single more community service 'paparazzi' photos will surface. Sure, both Chris and Rhianna are using the 'nightmare' to plug their careers - but society seems much more forgiving of Chris and quick to find fault with Rhianna. Fine, she did not speak out earlier and is only doing so as her album is soon to be released, Chris took the EXACT same approach. Let's not forget, he only released a much rehearsed apology video a few days before a new song 'leaked' to the web. Rhianna has every right to tell as much (or as little) as she pleases about the night in question. She was abused...talking is therapeutic, is it not?
ReplyDeletePerhaps my values are different than some but, I don't care how talented a performer Chris Brown *may be*, I do not support criminal behavior. Should I feel that Chris is truly reformed and remorseful, perhaps I will give his music another listen. Thus far, he seems defensive and quietly indignant. The tweets posted by his best friend and performance team do not help his cause. His argument about being "imperfect...a young person who makes mistakes" and being upset with Oprah for not supporting him simply do not sit well with me. Quite ironic that when he was attacked for wearing tight pants on his album cover, he tweeted, "IM 100% COMFORTABLE WIT MY SEXUALITY. IM A GROWN MAN." Which are you, Chris? A "grown man" who hits women or a "young" inexperienced boy who hits women? Grown men know not to hit women, correct? If a 9 year old boy knows not to hit a girl, I find it hard to believe that a 19 year old missed this important life lesson. I don't have it in me to give money to artists who represent values which I abhor. Were Rhianna my sister, I most certainly would not purchase a Chris Brown record in the near term, just as I will NEVER purchase another R. Kelly record. Holding firm to my values carries more weight than a great beat and dance step. If the money and fame continues to roll in uninterrupted [save for the inability to perform a Michael Jackson tribute at the BET awards] what lesson has been learned? Perhaps most importantly, what lesson has been TAUGHT to other young men?
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of what you wrote. But boys dont hit girls is a blanket and sexist statement reminiscent of the notion that women should be the only ones who worry about birth control. The message shouldn't be boys dont hit girls it should be "There is no place in a relationship for violence PERIOD."
ReplyDelete@Mocha "I'm just saying Rihanna played a part in the whole issue and she didn't accept her role at all."
ReplyDeleteRihanna said she did not hit him when asked the question. She was not an immediate threat to his life. So there's absolutely NO excuse for Chris Brown to have beaten her the way he did. It doesn't matter what she might have been saying in the vehicle..."words" don't cause bruises, bite marks, and bloody lips.
Ok now I love Star Jones she is the truth because I am going to law school as well, but for the first time I have to disagree with her stance. Do not misunderstand me, domestic violence is wrong. However, I have to look at the entire pictures. I saw her face on the pictures leaked, no he should not have left the scene, but I wonder how a man that has never been violent all of a sudden gets characterized as this vicious monster it just does not add up.
ReplyDeleteIt is my whole hearted belief that they were in a lover's quarrel, she hit him like alot of women do and it is not acknowledged, and personally Im only going to let someone hit me or push me so many times before I reach my breaking point, and he snapped. Yes men outweigh women, they are stronger, and have more stamina, knowing that women should not put themselves in the position of a man and hit him. My parents always told me that if Im big enough to pass a lick then be big enough to get one. I am saddened at how Rihanna has become the innocent victim.
If I hit a man then I have automatically put my self in the position of a man. Men get abused just like women, but nobody wants to address that. I believe it was mutual combat and she got the worst end of the stick. If you don't want to be beaten then keep your hands to yourself. For every woman of power to just hang Chris Brown out to dry is just wrong. Instead of tearing him down they should be talking to him and letting him know if a woman hit you then walk away its toxic and soon you will lose it and be the bad guy.
Rihanna talking is not because she is an advocate for domestic violence, she is talking for publicity and because her album is out. They both should have dealt with this privately and not put it in the media. Rihanna should be punished as well.
I forgave Chris Brown for his actions, and he will have to deal with the repercussions of it. I'm just tired of this one-sided discussion on domestic violence when it comes to men on women. There another side. If my niece wants to see him, I will buy her tickets. He's dealing with the public embarrassment and rehabilitation, and I believe he deserves a second chance.
ReplyDeleteExcellent way to express it Star!
ReplyDeleteI believed everything Rhianna said in the interview. I think she was still thinking more about protecting Chris' image and being very careful with her words. As oppose to fully expressing like she needed to in order to get past this. She has no one to turn to, typically in these situations you do feel a lone like she said and that can drive a person crazy!
In the mind there is a huge battle ground, is it love or is it hate? No she doesn't hate him if she did she could have done way more damage to him than she has, yet in all of her trying to protect him, not hurt him, not hurt his image. When does she get that chance to think about herself so she can heal, so she can be okay?!? It's so sad that Chris could not have just manned up and said "yes you have caught me in a lie Rhianna" he was expecting to lie his way out of it, so he could keep doing the same thing most men do and that is play their women.
I've watched the Cosby Show over the years and often ask people whats their favorite episode in terms of humor. Mine is when Theo goes to Cliff for 800 dollars to give to a witchcraft Dr to have the guy that's been admiring Justine to go away. The moral of the story at the end Cliff makes up his on remedy "I will pay more attention to my woman". Now Theo can drull all over other woman all the time and not fully committ to Justine, yet the moment Justine has other interest all of sudden he wants it to stop. To me it was humor at its finest!
The same situation with Chris if he were paying attention to what he was calling his woman Rihanna, then none of this would have happen and Rihanna was correct in not dropping the lie he was giving.
More importantly, I hope she sees that love looks nothing like her man receiving texts from other woman. If he respects her enough those things would never have to be a part of her thoughts or worries in a real relationship. Not enough women take a stand on not allowing themselves to be mistreated or disrespected in anyway. A good read is Steve Harvey's book 'Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man' it teachs many things about what should accepted as a woman and gives honest take on what men are thinking. When you got a real man you don't have to work at certain things they just natually. Don't get me wrong I wish Chris a healthy and full recovery from this situation.
Her anthem song should now be her song 'Take A Bow'
For your listening pleasure: http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/rihanna/take-a-bow--59812819
Or the lyrics for your reading pleasure:
Oh, how about a round of applause, yeah
A standing ovation
Oooooo, yeah
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out
[Chorus]
Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (But it's over now)
Go on and take a bow
Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone)
You better hurry up
Before the sprinklers come on (come on)
Talkin' bout'
Girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please, what else is on (on)
[Chorus]
And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow
[Bridge]
Oh, and the award for
The best lie goes to you
For making me believe
That you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech, Oh
How about a round of applause
A standing ovation
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow
But it's over now
Wow! I am simply amazed at how some ppl can think that a women prokes a situation. This may be the case in some instances, but it is not right for him to hit her, or for her to hit him. I grew up watching my father FIGHT my mother as if she were a man. She stayed wth him until he died. That year they would have been married 63yrs! As a teenager my mother sat me down and told me, "never let a man raise his hand to you in anger." I have always remembered that. Unfortunately I grew up to also have a lot of anger, and found myself sabatoging relationships for fear of violence, and fear of just how far my anger would go. I didn't know if I would be able to control it. A day came when I was provoced and I lashed out at the person. During the incident I had hatred in my heart and I wanted that person to die. As I had my hands around his throat the anger built. Then I felt a pressure pulling me by my shoulders off of him, but no one else was around. Would I have killed him? I don't know. I regret doing it. I apologized to him. Though it took me 8mo to do so. It all began because this person disrespected my mother. This person was my brother! I am not saying that just because you grow up seeing violence that you will commit it, but I believe that you are DEFINITELY more prone to being violent. I was on a downward spiral and I knew it. I cried, I prayed, and I became depressed. I was in therapy for 5yrs. Three of those years dealt with my anger. The other 2yrs dealt with the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse I experienced. Now I can say that things have changed for the better for me. IT IS A PROCESS TO HEAL FROM THE ABUSE (witnessing and experiencing). I THANK GOD for allowing me to make it through the hurt and pain. I could have been dead by someone else's hands, or even my own. Abuse is so much more complicated than anyone is admitting to. It's not just because of 1, or 2 things. There is so much more! AND it is just happening too much!!! That's my 2 cents worth! Ok, maybe a quarter's worth. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen this story broke I personally took interest and followed it closely..Two things that were NEVER released were Chris browns mug shot and the 911 tape..You mentioned that you heard it, please could you provide me with the link because as far as I know that was never released to the media which I find really strange..
ReplyDeleteNow onto the subject matter at hand..I applaud you for pointing out all the stats about women but I am baffled as to why you would leave out those stats for men which are much worse..Domestic violence regardless of the sex is wrong and that is what the nation should be discussing not what sex it happens to the most. Prior to this incident it was reported numerous times the rihanna verbally and emotionally abused chris..This was witnessed by so many in public..On the two occasions that were reported by the media where they say Chris was violent were not reported accurately..In the GMA interview when rihanna was asked about the one incident she could not even answer properly and actually contradicted herself..In this incident, rihanna was in an angry fit and she struck chris brown who then put her against the wall and told her to calm down..When the media got a hold of it, it was twisted..Secondly, when the story first broke, TMZ was one of the first sites to say rihanna was hitting chris but when the story got more attention and the photo was sold it changed..the affidavit was then released which I am surprised as lawyer you do not point out that there were missing signatures..Was rihanna not supposed to have signed that?? Going off what the grapevine said being backed up with the initial TMZ reports they say that chris was battered and bruised as well..To this day we have NEVER seen his mug shot..Thirdly, it has been whispered so many times that rihannas injuries and battered face was not ALL due chris to punching her lights out..rihannas own lawyer even said that what chris admitted to and what he did is different..This was her lawyer..Chris and mark also talked about how a lot of information passed around was falsified. A lot you choose to ignore these details and would rather stick to what was passed on as the truth and that is fine..I don’t blame you but I personally don’t believe half of the things I read on blogs! Now what is my point with all this..Just because we saw a photo and chris admitted to assaulting rihanna does not mean he did everything that was reported..I have heard rihanna talk about what happened that night but she contradicted herself so much and left me with more questions than answers..I am not saying what chris did was right but I will not overlook rihannas actions which I believe she is purposefully omitting to fit in the role that was created by the media..Just like Tyson saw what he believes happened to rihanna he deserves to also know and be aware of what she did to chris..I know some will come at me and say she did not deserve that but what I will ask is, what is it that you know for sure she did not deserve..What you saw, what was reported by the media or the real truth..DV is real and Tyson needs to be made aware that it happens to both sexes..If anything, that is what this saga taught me!!!
We still don't know the true extent of what happened that night or the circumstances surrounding prior incidents. I agree men should not hit women and it is painfully obvious that he beat her that night. It needs to be equally clear that no one should hit. As much as I don't condone hitting, I have no true sympathy for a woman that hits, gets hit back and cries that she is a victim. If you don't want to be hit, don't hit. Of course there are many many women and men who are hit for no reason at all who are victims. But don't pick a fight if you are not ready to fight. Women and Men keep your hands and objects to yourself!
ReplyDeleteI find myself torn between the blog and the comments posted. I firmly believe that Chris was wrong in hitting Rhianna! However lets not be so callous to say that we should have the same attitude as Tyson does because Tyson has a little more living and learning to do. You don't simply disown a person because he makes a horrible mistake. Case and point how many of us thought Mike Vick should have an opportunity to play again? How many thinks that Plexico Burress should be allowed to play again? What about Diddy? He had an altercation in a nightclub years ago and yet w still watch his MTV shows and listen to his music right? I agree with Star on the point that I am saddened that Chris and Rihanna have become the poster children for domestic abuse. If we started writing off people because of mistakes that they make (no matter how severe the mistake) none of us would be allowed a secone chance. This comment is not intended to be a pass for Chris nor a pat onthe back. Please understand that Chris was wrong! No and if or buts about it! Let pray that both parties will be healed!
ReplyDeleteI pray for healing for both. Rihanna to know that hitting is not love and for Chris to know that hitting solves nothing~
ReplyDeleteStar
ReplyDeleteI wish your nephew could sit down with Sherri and Whoopi on the view. So far your 8 yr old nephew and I are the only ones seeing eye to eye on this. Are the of us really the only ones that saw the picture of Rihanna's face? Am I the only one that heard Rihanna say that this caveman monster put her in a headlock, bit her and threw her cell phone out the window as she tried to call for help?! I am dissapointed to see how many people are letting Chris Brown's PR team play them like a deck of cards. If he were truly sorry for his actions, he would have stopped after the first punch. He wouldn't have threatened her and blocked her from calling for help. If we were talking about one black eye or one busted lip then I would understand the forgiveness. Nobody should buy this a-hole's music ever again. Heck, he's lucky he can still dance. There's not too many black uncles, fathers, cousins and brothers that would let their female relative come home bruised and humiliated like that without some bones being broken in half and exposed to daylight. That is the problem in the black community in my opinion. We don't exclude wrongdoers from our society. One quick, fake, half-ass apology and they are welcomed back with open arms. It's a shame when only an 8 yr old boy sees the problem in this behaviour.
Hi Star, thank god for common sense! I watched Sherri Shepherd on the View last week. She purchased tickets for her young relatives (I believe it was a niece) to attend Chris' upcoming concert. She tried explaining her views on forgiveness. I had no patience for her remarks. Bottom line, Chris hit Rhianna and hurt her badly; physically and spiritually. If one purchases a ticket to attend a Chris Brown concert, you are supporting him. Forgivess is fine, but I would never support someone capable of doing what Rhianna described. It broke my heart just to listen to it, considering what each of them experienced in their youth with violence in their homes.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of your comment. I just need to add to the part that boys don't hit girls, but girls shouldn't hit boys. I can remember as a little girl keep your hands to yourself. If some one hits you, you should hit them back. I really listen to Rihanna last night and I believe they had a jealous relationship. I believe they both were in the wrong and should have ended the relationship before it got to the pictures of her beaten face.
ReplyDeleteI agree that no man should ever have an excuse to hit a women, ever, short of her having a life threatening weapon that she's about to use on you or a loved one. However, what's bothering me is the media not asking her the hard question -- did you hit Chris Brown? Do you have a problem with violence and rage? Not to excuse him, AT ALL, but I have a huge problem with the move to a purely victim role, not so coincidentally with the release of a new CD. Especially, when Chris Brown did not disclose any details, but instead took full responsibility. And I ask the same question here that I've asked before: His professional help is court ordered, who is insuring she gets some? Because I believe that she will be in the media sometime in the future for the same reasons, different man.
ReplyDeleteCHARLENE B. - I'M VERY AGREEABLE WITH YOUR OBSERVATION OF THE CHRIS AND RIHANNA SITUATION. I AM A HEALING VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (PHYSICAL & MENTAL)AND NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT THE SITUATION CHRIS BROWN WAS WRONG AND I HOPE AND PRAY LIKE SAID THAT HE GETS COUNCILING AND NEVER PERFORM THAT ACT AGAIN. LIKE YOUR NEPHEW STATED "NO MAN SHOULD HIT A WOMAN!" ALSO, I PRAY THAT RIHANNA CONTINUES TO HEAL AND BE STRONG AND DON'T SETTLE FOR ANY KIND OF ABUSE MENTAL OR PHYSICAL. I SAW PARTIAL OF HER INTERVIEW AND SHE STATED THAT SHE WENT THROUGH PRIOR ABUSE NOT SURE IF IT WAS MENTAL OR PHYSICAL WITH CHRIS. I JUST HOPE THAT SHE BE OBSERVANT OF INSTANT SIGNS WITH HER FUTURE RELATIONSHIP AND GET OUT OF IT BEFORE IT ESCALADES. HOPEFULLY SHE WON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM. THAT'S WHAT I DID BUT IT WAS A LITTLE TOO LATE! HOWEVER, NOW THAT I'VE GROWN AND MATURED I'M THANKFUL THAT I CAN DETECT THE SIGNS RIGHT AWAY AND MOVE ON! ALSO, THANKFUL NOW THAT I'M IN A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP AND HOPE RIHANNA FIND'S THE SAME!
ReplyDeleteWow...many comments on this post Soror. Good job on a good post. I agree and somewhat disagree. I think that both kids can learn from this situation and I do think that CB should take responsibility for what he done.
ReplyDeleteAs a Christian, I am concerned that we will not give this young brother an opportunity to be forgiven and move on. NO what he did was wrong, but should he pay for it for the rest of his life.....seriously...can WE as people not forgive and not JUDGE....
Also, why is it that since Rhianna got beat (which was horrible)get a free pass...can we make sure that SHE understands that SHE does not have a right to put her hands on anyone either.....
We as people need to get it together....seriously...
It really amazes me how so many women think it is ok for a man to hit on a woman. Of course, if the guy is being attacked I expect him to defend himself, but it is clear that so many women do not understand the physical differences btw men and women and how they should be treated mentally, emotionally and physically by a guy. With every comment I read that suggest that Rhianna MUST have done something to deserve this it is clear that a lot of women do not know the difference between a guy protecting and defending himself and beating a woman up.
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed abuse as a child. I have been abused as a child. I have been abused in a "teenage love affair".
ReplyDeleteToday I am a mother of a son and a daughter and I won't tolerate either one of them being abused.
I look up to Star sooo much . . . but I think we need to proceed with caution when putting so much weight on the old school addage of boys don't hit girls. Do I believe in it?--yes! But I also believe that girls don't hit boys!
None of us know EXACTLY what happened during this unfortunate event; but my gut feeling is that Rihanna wasn't the only victim that day.
I have read reports of incidents where witnesses reported that Rihanna actly struck Chris and he responded by restraining her and not hitting back.
You see: "Men Don't Tell".
There are many men that are abused in relationships each day and a fist from a female can do as much damage as a fist from a male.
But is Chris going to say, "she hit me first" and risk the ridicule of his family, friends, and peers? And risk ruining his image/career? NO. He has a better chance recovering from the girl-beater than he does from the "boy that got beat up by a girl".
I can think of two situations personally where men stayed in relationships with "women they loved" and suffered SERIOUS injuries under the belief that "boys don't hit girls".
I think when need to operate under the notion that people don't hit each other--period!
As a mother of a son and a daughter, I'm not going to stand for either one of them being abused or being the abuser.
There might not be extensive statistics on men being abused by women but it does happen more often than you think.
Again, we don't know what happened if we weren't there--but let the message be balanced: EVERYONE KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!!!
Follow Up November 27, 2009 8:33PM
ReplyDeleteHmm . . . now breaking reports are saying that Tiger Wood's INJURIES were caused by his WIFE and NOT the car accident.
Men are abused more then you think . . .
Star:
ReplyDeleteYou are contradicting yourself--be careful.
If Tiger gets fed up and hits her back then we have another Chris Brown.
It is a crime for someone to assault another.
No I don't have a Juris Doctorate, but I do know that in many jursidictions law enforcement will "pick up" the charges.
If Tiger hit his wife they wouldn't hesistate to arrest him.
We know its a double standard, but we don't have to perpetuate it.