Tell IT LIKE IT IS: Finding Families in our Community...Again

It used to be that when a family found themselves in trouble; their neighbors pitched in and helped out until the family could get back on their feet.  Before my mom and step-father got together (thank you Lord for this WONDERFUL man who has been in my life for over 35 years now!), I clearly remember an incident from my childhood that shaped my opinion of what community and family is all about.  

I was a little girl living with my Mom and sister in the Miller Homes housing projects in Trenton, NJ.  It was payday and my mom had cashed her check so she could pay all the family bills for the week.  Like most people, we lived paycheck to paycheck so everything we needed to survive for the week came out of that check.  Mom always did the family laundry down in the community laundry room and while changing one load from the washer to the dryer; someone stole her wallet...with her entire paycheck in it.  I mean every dollar.  How does that translate in reality?  No money to buy food, no money to pay rent, no money for bus fare to work, no money for school lunch, no money to finish the damn laundry!  As you can imagine, my mother went into a tailspin.  Even now I can remember her crying and wondering out loud how she would make it through the week. 

She didn't wonder for long.  Our neighbors, who mind you, also lived in the housing project and operated paycheck to paycheck, took over.  They threw what was called at the time a "rent party."  Everyone brought something to our apartment.  Fried chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad, chips, pretzels, beer, wine...whatever they could spare; they brought.  Everything was set up buffet style and the music started playing.  All day long...and into the night people came through for $5 a head and they could eat, drink, laugh and party till the refreshments ran out and the music stopped playing.  That money paid our bills for the week.  Those neighbors reached out a hand of friendship that day.  Our community was our family.  

Where has that community spirit gone?  Why, according to Reuters have incidents of Child Abuse spiked due to the economic downturn? Where are are the neighbors that used to lend a hand when a young mother was overwhelmed?  Where are the men from the community that used to "jack a brother up" when he put his hands on a woman or a child?  What the hell has happened to our families and our community spirit?

Maybe a few "rent parties" are in order to remind us that we are still responsible for each other.  I got my $5 and I'll bring the deviled eggs...

“A healthy social life is found only, when in the mirror of each soul the whole community finds its reflection, and when in the whole community the virtue of each one is living”

-Rudolf Steiner

(As a small personal aside...I remember the day my mom had her paycheck stolen out of the laundry so clearly because it was also the day I vowed that the moment I made ANY money, I would buy mother her own house with her own laundry in it so she would never have to cry like that again.  After I paid off my student loans...it was the first piece of property I ever bought. )

Thought For The Day...

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.”

-Jamie Paolinetti

Thought for the Day

“Gratitude preserves old friendships, and procures new.”

Thought for the Day

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.  
-Marcus Aurelius

Wonderful Wednesday...Enjoying Life

“What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.”

-Mother Teresa

I don't know what has gotten into me recently.  For the past few weeks, I have been waking up every single morning excited and happy about life.  I've been smiling more, laughing more, sharing more and giving more.  I really think it has to do with "getting out of my own way" and asking myself two things:  what can I do for someone else today to improve their lives because "giving is the price we pay for living" and what can I do for myself...because I can't truly love anyone until I love myself.

It really is easy to do.  Just start with one thing and watch the change in your life.  Here are five doable things that you can start with; just pick one:

1. Sign up as a volunteer at a Domestic Violence Shelter.
2. Start a Senior Citizen book club at a local nursing home.
   
3. Serve food at a homeless shelter.
4. Buy a bag of fresh fruit and vegetables and leave it at the home of the single mother with four kids on your block.
5. Perform a random act of kindness for a stranger.

Remember not to leave yourself out because

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.”
-Andrew Matthews

So this is for you...

1. Take a long bath...with bubbles (in the tub and in the glass you take to the tub).
2. Buy some sexy undies and wear them when you don't have a date.
3. Smile at a stranger on the bus, subway, in the grocery story or on the elevator.
4. Learn how to make a something decadent like homemade pound cake, white sangria or sauteed soft-shelled crabs...for yourself.
5. Take a tango class so you get "dipped" at least once in your life.

It's about living everyday people...living your life "like it's GOLDEN!"

Have a WONDERFUL week!

Thought For The Day

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”

-James Dean

Thought For The Day

"LIFE brings both opposition and trouble at times. When "life" happens, stay right with God. He will bring you out of both!" 

-This is from my prayer partner

Tuesday Triumph: Obama is an International "Brother"

Last week we saw the photos of President Barack Obama in Europe being feted by all kinds of Kings, Queens, etc.  They showed large crowds of people of every hue and nationality greeting the President with adulation and adoration.  Every public moment was recorded and shown on all the networks and cable channels.  I admit it...I was proud beyond belief.

But then I received a photo in my email that CNN didn't use.  It came from a BROTHER about a BROTHER greeting a BROTHER. 

The gentleman in the photo is what's called a "Bobby"...a british police officer.  He clearly is in a position of trust and honor to be able to get that close to The President of the United States...especially since we know the level of threats President Obama is subjected to on a daily basis.  "Bobbies" are the ultimate professionals.  They are focused on their jobs at all times and tradition holds that they fix their gaze upon the post they are charged with guarding and securing.  Remember they are not supposed to shake hands, but clearly, the two BROTHERS couldn't resist the historic moment. The black royal cop never imagined in his wildest dreams that he would usher a black American president into the British corridors of power.   The officer whose skin is brown no doubt did his job; but in doing so...he acknowledged his own personal triumph:  Shaking the hand of the first African-American President of the United States.  I know that's right my brother.

For every triumph I, as a black woman, felt at the election of an African-American man as President of the United States, there is no comparison to the pure camaraderie a black man must feel when he sees a "brother" take his rightful place in the world.  Does it erase every slight, every injustice, every cab that has passed them by or every job that they have been passed over for?  No, I think not.  But it does give a measure of satisfaction...and triumph.

They were once Kings...and as one of their Queens; I'm happy for them all!

"There is this beacon out there that says if you create a challenging, demanding, yet nurturing and supportive environment, if you show these young men the possibilities and you discipline them to realize those possibilities, you can turn these statistics about black men around."

-Michael Lomax

Thought For The Day

“A man with a grain of faith in God never loses hope, because he ever believes in the ultimate triumph of Truth.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

Thought For The Day

“A woman is like a teabag - only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.”

-Nancy Reagan

MENTOR MONDAY: Marion Anderson...Talent with Strength and Courage

It is 2009 and there is a black family living in the White House. 

During the inauguration ceremonies artists of every hue from every music genre participated in the celebration showing the amazing mosaic that is the United States of America. Yesterday was Easter Sunday and the African-American President and his First Lady celebrated the resurrection of Christ by going to a local church across from the White House that welcomes all races.  Things sure have changed since 1939 -- 

On another brisk Easter Sunday morning in April 1939, contralto Marion Anderson, arguably one of the greatest voices of the 20th Century stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and sang songs celebrating the glory of America. An America that still saw her as separate and unequal because she was black.

Nowadays it sounds glamourous to sing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial; but that wasn't the initial plan for Marion Anderson's spring concert in Washington, D.C. Although she had been performing for royalty and in major concert halls in Europe, New York and Philadelphia; when her manager tried to book Ms. Anderson at Constitution Hall, the largest venue in segregated Washington at the time, she was rejected by the Daughters of the American Revolution, which owned the hall and prohibited African Americans from performing there. The district's school board also turned her away from singing at a school's auditorium. Ms. Anderson didn't quit...and she didn't take rejection lying down.

With the aid of President Franklin D. Roosevelt and First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, the venue was changed to the Lincoln Memorial in front of the statue of the man who stood for freedom and equality.  Ms. Anderson performed the open-air concert to a crowd of more than 75,000 people and a radio audience in the millions. She continued to break barriers for black artists in the United States, notably becoming the first black person, American or otherwise, to perform at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City on January 7, 1955.

Yesterday on Easter Sunday More than 2,000 people gathered at the Lincoln Memorial for a concert honoring the 70th anniversary of opera singer Marian Anderson's historic performance there.  The crowd was mixed, the celebration was glorious and the music of freedom and equality rang out in the same songs Marion Anderson sang 70 years earlier.  Today is "Mentor Monday" and Marion Anderson's talent, strength and courage should inspires us all to reject those who would reject us because of the color of our skin.  Marion Anderson knew who she was and what her rightful place in America should be...so she stood in the place God had ordained; and made people recognize.  

Bravo Diva!

(For more information on Marion Anderson, click here)

Thought For The Day

“There is no prejudice that the work of art does not finally overcome.”

-Andre Gide

He is Risen!

There will be lots said and lots written on this Easter Sunday; but nothing is more powerful, or more joyous than those three words. HE IS RISEN!

God has given us the gift of a new life through the sacrifice of Christ and the miracle of His resurrection.

Through the mercy of God...we get a second chance. We get to be re-born. We get to start over and do it better the next time. All we have to do is accept Him into our lives and ask for His help. I am comforted by the gift of eternal life through Christ Jesus and I bless His holy name for the joy of the resurrection.

So when you put on your finest hat, your brightest color and that new suit you bought especially for church on this Easter Sunday...just before you walk out the door; shout out loud: HE IS RISEN!

It will put a smile on your face like you have never seen. Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday.

Thought for the Day

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

Thought For The Day

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

-Mark Twain

Satisfied Saturday: Falling in Love...Really

“So, fall asleep love, loved by me...for I know love, I am loved by thee.”

-Robert Browning 

Browning sure knows how to make a woman feel like she's the only thing that matters in his world. I know it sounds selfish; but don't we all want to feel like that just once?  Like someone loves, respects and desires us with all their heart and soul to the point they would write "“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”  

Don't lie...you will drop your drawers if a man said that to you!

It frustrates a lot of us that most  men don't know how to express their love with the fluid mastery of Robert Browning, but it takes great maturity to realize that in a real loving relationship...he doesn't need to.  Loving words make you go "dancing through the daisies" for a short period of time, but loving actions make you want to take up residence in his heart.

I've grown to the point that my satisfaction in a relationship comes not from the fantasy of love; but from the reality of it.  Fantasy is flower petals on the floor when you arrive home from work,Reality is the dog fed and bathed already so you don't have to.  Fantasy is a fancy dinner at a glamourous restaurant where the whole world can see you...Reality is your man cooking your burger just the way you like it...'cause he knows how you like it. Fantasy is a big wedding...Reality is a strong marriage. Fantasy is buying you the best shoes of the season...Reality is taking you to the best doctor because your breathing doesn't sound right.  

Love, based in fantasy is no longer enough at this age. Real Love, based in reality is now the gold standard. And real love is becoming selflessly concerned about your mate's needs as well your own. Real love requires us to become givers instead of just takers. 

Love is just a word, a label; real love is unexplainable.

Let's put it like this, when we're little girls we all want the crazy fanciful Cinderella story that ends with the Prince at the ball. But as a grown woman who has been through her share of "frogs"...I'm just glad my man knows how to get me home after the "golden chariot" has turned into a pumpkin and the party is over. I like a limo; but there is no satisfaction like sharing a working metro card with the one you love.

"Good Friday" is "Friendship Friday"

On the day we remember the sacrifice of Jesus...remember that it was all done for love. Christ is the ultimate friend.

Thought For The Day

“There are not many things in life so beautiful as true friendship, and not many things more uncommon.”

-Unknown

Friendship Friday: A Thankful Anniversary

"A woman without really good friends is a sad woman indeed."

That's not just a quote ya'll...that's a statement of fact. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without my girlfriends. They are there in good times and in bad times. Heck, they've been the cause of most of the good times...and sadly to say; the source of a few of the bad times. But I wouldn't trade them for the world.

In fact, one of them saved my life. I'm not talking about telling me not to go out with some clingy nut job (although I certainly wish they did but that's a whole 'nother story); no I mean stepping in when I needed her most and is probably the reason I'm alive and healthy today.

Six years ago I weighed 300 pounds. I had just turned 41 years old and had gradually gone from this proud full-figured woman (overweight; but I was trying to work it) to this morbidly obese sickly ashamed and depressed shell. I didn't see it because I didn't want to but thank God, six years ago this week, my best friend in the world Janet Rollé did. I may have stopped looking for answers, but Janet, who didn’t care if I never spoke to her again for telling me a truth decided to confront me about something she knew would change our friendship forever.

She sat me down and said: “What are we going to do about your weight?“

Damn...there it was. Out there on the table of our friendship. I had no choice but to hear my friend. Now mind you; even though we had been girls for more than 10 years at the time...I was not the easiest person in the world to confront about anything. I always have an argument to counter your point of view and I can find rationale for anything with a little time and Google! I had a lot of friends in my life; but I had so closed myself off from really hearing them...no one else felt comfortable having this particular conversation. She had the audacity to confront me head on and forced me to look at myself.

While it was easy to deny the little voice inside my head, I found it impossible to deny this particular friend. I knew in my heart that her love and respect for me was pure and without personal agenda. So I listened, I cried, I got angry and eventually I took my first step and walked into a doctors office. Those steps led me here...six years to the day that she had that talk with me.

I've told her before; but I never tire of telling her again. I firmly believe that I wouldn't be alive today had it not been for Janet's friendship and unconditional love.

If you have someone in your life who you love like that and they are slowly killing themselves with drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or any other demon that has taken over their lives, in honor of "Friendship Friday," ...sit them down and be a true friend. You may save their life. And if today...someone sits YOU down...listen to them; it may change your life.

Thought For The Day

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

-William James