Tell IT LIKE IT IS: Finding Families in our Community...Again

It used to be that when a family found themselves in trouble; their neighbors pitched in and helped out until the family could get back on their feet.  Before my mom and step-father got together (thank you Lord for this WONDERFUL man who has been in my life for over 35 years now!), I clearly remember an incident from my childhood that shaped my opinion of what community and family is all about.  

I was a little girl living with my Mom and sister in the Miller Homes housing projects in Trenton, NJ.  It was payday and my mom had cashed her check so she could pay all the family bills for the week.  Like most people, we lived paycheck to paycheck so everything we needed to survive for the week came out of that check.  Mom always did the family laundry down in the community laundry room and while changing one load from the washer to the dryer; someone stole her wallet...with her entire paycheck in it.  I mean every dollar.  How does that translate in reality?  No money to buy food, no money to pay rent, no money for bus fare to work, no money for school lunch, no money to finish the damn laundry!  As you can imagine, my mother went into a tailspin.  Even now I can remember her crying and wondering out loud how she would make it through the week. 

She didn't wonder for long.  Our neighbors, who mind you, also lived in the housing project and operated paycheck to paycheck, took over.  They threw what was called at the time a "rent party."  Everyone brought something to our apartment.  Fried chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad, chips, pretzels, beer, wine...whatever they could spare; they brought.  Everything was set up buffet style and the music started playing.  All day long...and into the night people came through for $5 a head and they could eat, drink, laugh and party till the refreshments ran out and the music stopped playing.  That money paid our bills for the week.  Those neighbors reached out a hand of friendship that day.  Our community was our family.  

Where has that community spirit gone?  Why, according to Reuters have incidents of Child Abuse spiked due to the economic downturn? Where are are the neighbors that used to lend a hand when a young mother was overwhelmed?  Where are the men from the community that used to "jack a brother up" when he put his hands on a woman or a child?  What the hell has happened to our families and our community spirit?

Maybe a few "rent parties" are in order to remind us that we are still responsible for each other.  I got my $5 and I'll bring the deviled eggs...

“A healthy social life is found only, when in the mirror of each soul the whole community finds its reflection, and when in the whole community the virtue of each one is living”

-Rudolf Steiner

(As a small personal aside...I remember the day my mom had her paycheck stolen out of the laundry so clearly because it was also the day I vowed that the moment I made ANY money, I would buy mother her own house with her own laundry in it so she would never have to cry like that again.  After I paid off my student loans...it was the first piece of property I ever bought. )

TELL IT LIKE IT IS: DEFINING THE PHENOMENAL FIRST LADY

What is it people? 

Is it “the reach of her arms, the span of her hips, the stride of her step, the curl of her lips,” that makes you so crazy?

Because some folk have gone “plum crazy” over the notion that this “phenomenal woman” named Michelle Obama has become the ideal of women across the world.  She’s educated (Princeton and Harvard) and sophisticated, she's beautiful and brainy, she’s competent and capable, she’s knowledgeable and skilled, she’s informed and inspiring, she’s devoted and dedicated, she’s loving and loved, and she’s BLACK. 

Yes, this black woman embodies the hopes, dreams and ideals of little girls across the world.  They want to sound like her, walk like her, talk like her…be like her.  Little boys used to want to “be like Mike;" well little girls now have their own “Mike”…we just call her Michelle.

Is it “the fire in her eyes, the flash of her teeth, the swing in her waist, and the joy in her feet,” that would make a bitter old fool hiding behind a “conservative Christian website" banner refer to the First Lady as “a James Brown look-a-like?” In an effort to insult her beauty, grace and style, this “columnist” took umbrage with a world that would liken Michelle Obama to the “allure, glamour and fashion sense of Jackie Kennedy;” as if white women had a lock on how to look and what to wear.  The saintly obsession with Jackie Kennedy (who I like, mind you) is over-the-top by any standard; especially given her relationship with her husband.  Maybe that's the problem:  you're mad that Michelle's husband, the President is fulfilled by his wife and doesn't need to seek the attention of other women to feel like the most powerful man in the world.  The "hatoration" was palpable when he referred to her “Ivy League degree and former $7,000-a-week salary” as a result of “affirmative action.”   What, your kid couldn’t get into the college of his choice because a “big bad black lady” took his spot?  

This guy must have one heck of a crush on the First Lady.  That was usually at the core of little white boys trying to pull the hair of the black girls in kindergarten.  Their momma’s told them they couldn’t play with “those colored girls” when all they wanted to do was play with those colored girls!  Come on dude…you look pathetic.  Stop fantasizing about what you can’t ever have and start celebrating what you’ve been given in this gifted and beautiful representative of the diversity of our nation.

And it is not just the white men who are tripping. 

Is it how she “walks into a room, just as cool as you please,” causing “the fellows to stand or fall down on their knees.”  Maybe it’s “the way they swarm around her, like a hive of honey bees” that is making some white women take to the prescription bottle.  From that chick in desperate need of a “two piece and a biscuit” who resents everything about the first lady’s style to that wretched excuse for a woman who had the audacity to refer to the First Lady on the radio as “trash” because she dared to tell young school children that they might encounter people in their lives who will try to block their progress if they try to excel in school by striving to get A’s in their studies.  Stop….you don’t say.  Really, I can’t believe that.  This fill-in radio host defined “trash” as a thing that “is colorblind, (that) can cross all eco-socionomic...categories;” and as “people who use other people to get things, who patronize others, who consider you bitter and clingy..." What?  Stop rambling.  You sound crazy and deranged.  

When defining “trash,”  I choose to use Webster’s definition:  “rubbish: worthless material that is to be disposed of.”  As we would say in law school, Exhibit A. 

It used to be that when a white woman was intimidated by the beauty, elegance and grace of a black woman (especially when her man started looking longingly at her beautiful long brown legs); she could sell her and send her to a neighboring plantation.  Mr. Lincoln took care of that a while back so I understand that your options are more limited.   It may be hard for “you to understand just why her head's not bowed.  Why she doesn’t shout or jump about or have to talk real loud. When you see her passing it ought to make you proud;” so ask yourself why it doesn’t .  What is it in you that is so inadequate that you can’t appreciate the “phenomenal woman” that is Michelle Obama?  Either way, you might as well get with the program because this sister is here to stay and there will be more just like her to follow.

I told Bill O’Reilly in an “Open Letter” a year ago during the presidential campaign that if he “came for” Michelle Obama, he better be ready for all of her sisters to have her back.  Consider yourself warned.  The last time you pissed off a black woman and told her to “stay in her place”, she sat in the front of the bus and caused a revolution. 

This one sits on Air Force One next to her husband The President of the United States.  Don’t mess with her.

(Special thanks to Maya Angelou for the beautiful poem "Phenomenal Woman"...it says it all.)

TELL IT LIKE IT IS: Exercising Freedom

Yesterday I was back in talk show "host" mode when I conducted a special Q&A session with Rev. Al Sharpton at the National Action Network's annual convention in New York.  

We talked all things political, legal and social; and as usual Rev. Al did not disappoint.  With the President and First Lady representing this country across the world this week on their first international trip as the First Family, one of the things we discussed was how African-Americans in the entertainment business; specifically our hip hop and urban community, really need to evaluate whether they are part of the problem or part of the solution when it comes to images in America and throughout the world.  

Rev. Al made the point that during the inauguration, although it is clear that the hip hop community played a MAJOR role in motivating young African-Americans to become a part of the political process...they were relegated to playing a minor to no role during the actual official inauguration festivities.  We read about all the parties and events, but  because of the language and cultural references in some of the lyrics to popular songs the official programs didn't feature as many of the talented artists that because of their record sales and influence; should have been "in the house."   Makes sense to me.  It's not like you can get up on the stage at the Lincoln Memorial and start singing about...well, you know...  And more importantly, I, would venture to guess we in the African-American community didn't want them getting up on that stage singing about...well, you know...

I'm not a fuddy duddy and I love hip hop and all things urban. I've also heard the arguments from hip hop artists that they are singing about things relevant to a significant portion of the African-American community; and they are absolutely correct.  Further, we all agree that everyone gets the "freedom of speech" our Constitution guarantees...so it is a valid argument to say "I can say what I want and sing what I want."

But peep this for a moment:   On what the learned scholar, the late John Hope Franklin termed "one of the most historic moments, if not the most historic moment, in the history of this country;'' you, Mr. (or Ms.) Big Time Superstar Hip Hop Artist (who mind you worked your butt off organizing, blogging, raising money, etc. showing great sacrifice and great dedication), couldn't showcase the amazing talent God has blessed you with by joining in this celebration of the inauguration of the first African-American President of the United States in an official capacity due to the manner in which you choose to express those "freedoms." Why, because it would embarrass your President, your momma and yourself...

If upon reflection you agree that appealing to the HIGHEST common denominator, rather than the LOWEST gives you and us the access and influence that at this point and time in our history we should be enjoying; then you have to decide what is relevant and what isn't. 

Hip Hop is the voice of the streets and its appeal has reached a global audience. So the question on the table is when will the artists of hip hop allow themselves to reflect the hope, optimism, power and 'yes we can' spirit of Black America instead of the same old tired stereotypes that exclude us from such momentous milestones?
 

Don't be mad, just asking. Just telling it like it is...

Fight the Battles We Can Win

Lovelle Mixon...I wasn't there; but something tells me that this parolee who was being sought for additional violent felonies did not act "honorably" when he shot and killed four police officers in the course of carrying out their duty.  A "march" by the "Uhuru Movement" in this man's honor makes legitimate issues of racism seem trite and allows them to be easily dismissed.  Actually, let's not pull any punches:  a march in honor of Lovelle Mixon is just straight up wrong.  Pray for his family as they grieve the loss of their child; but don't glorify his deplorable actions. Every KING is not Martin Luther and every person who sits on a bus is NOT Rosa Parks. 

We need to learn to pick and choose our fights and sometimes simply fight the battles we can win...

For more information on this story please click on the title of this post.

Keep it Moving...

Please don't link crap (gossip websites, trashy comments) to my blog. It will be deleted. My blog...my rules. Don't like it? Don't let the doorknob hit you where the good lord split you!

TELL IT LIKE IT IS: Anonymous Comments

Ok,

I knew I'd get them...and I knew they'd annoy me.  So let me just say it outright.  If you are going to leave a nasty comment on this blog about someone, be it our Harvard educated President with a mandate for change or the person next to you in the cubicle where you work; please at least have the backbone to identify yourself with your real name and your real face.  Your educational background and some intelligent backup for your opinion would be nice; but I know I'm asking a lot. In other words, show me what YOU'RE working with and we might just have a debate.

It's not like I don't like a good argument...because I'll tangle with almost anyone, but I do have a couple of rules:  

1. I don't argue the law with non-lawyers.  I spent too much money, time and effort to get the degree and pass that bar...get your own and then come back at me; 
2. I don't engage in mean spirited gossip that is designed to tear folk down rather than build them up...I know how it hurts and would never want to cause someone or their family unnecessary pain; and 
3. I don't get into a war of words with anonymous stone throwers who are too damn chicken and insecure to identify themselves.  

That is my pet peeve.  Oh I know it's "in" to just use the blogosphere to say whatever the heck you want without fear of being discovered for the complete fool you are; but I don't have to do what's "in."   So get this, if you want to post a comment on THIS blog that disagrees with a position espoused by me; go for it...but you have to put yourself out there for all of us to evaluate.  You know my ups, downs, ins and outs.  You know how I've messed up, dressed up and F'd up...so at least now when it comes to me; what you see is what you get.  My name, face, thoughts and words are out here for the world to see.  If you aren't willing to do the same and take credit for your words; then shut the hell up or please go somewhere else.  Let me just tell it like it is:  all of you anonymous stone throwers  might as well be wearing a white sheet...(and I don't care what color your skin is under it)...because you're a  bunch of cowards.

Take off your sheet, come into the light of day and stand by what you think.  That cone head with the eyes cut out is a terrible fashion statement in this day and age...don't you think?